Song of the day: Modest Mouse-Ocean breathes salty
Life has taken a turn
for the best over the last month and a half. It is so peculiar how subjective a
situation can be when enveloped within it. The experiences I have had have
really shaped me for the better and have allowed me to understand the world
from a magical perspective. I am living the magical realist dream. I am
exploring the consciousness of another cautiously and the experience is more
exhilarating than terrifying, although the latter is present.
I want to explore
that which I do not understand and I want to be an expert on that which I do
understand and consequently love. I need to explore my creative side; I need to
let the words flow from my think-box. I have been so restrained by valid yet
destructive emotions that I felt stuck in an emotional incubator. It kept me
alive but the enclosure was destructive. Sleeping pills quickly allowed the
state to escalate and turn it into a messy situation. It is dangerous when you
doubt yourself as a result of others. My conception of the self was completely
warped as I had no sense of self. I felt external to my social reality and more
dangerously I felt external and so far removed from myself. That is actually
it, I could not sense myself. I felt void of all facets of my identity and life
was so difficult to live and to face. Until now I conceived of true happiness as an unattainable
idea that I had never truly been acquainted with.
1 comment:
I like it, sometime somehow everybody feels it , is a kind of self exploration , to find you own way , your own thoughts... by me
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